Just last weekend, I had been feeling really low & limping spiritually. I was feeling doubtful, scared, and guilt-filled. I felt the enemy whisper many lies, and the scary part was that I started to believe them. Things from the past began bombarding me as I laid down at night, and completely paralyzed me throughout the hours of the day. The silent guilt of the sin that I believed God cleansed me from long ago, began to haunt me again.
After many nights filled with doubt, growing fears and tears, my husband and I began a simple conversation on our way back from getting some last minute grocery shopping. After 20 minutes, the thoughts that I had been holding captive came pouring out. I expressed all of those things out loud... for the first time.
I am so fortunate to have such an amazing husband! After listening, hugging, and comforting me, he did what I needed so desperately... he told me that I needed to go to God and really lay all of those things at His feet. The reality was that I wasn't sure where to begin, or how to go about it. Especially since I felt completely unworthy to even approach His throne.
The first few days after the conversation with my husband I began praying and asking God for help. I needed his guidance... I needed him to lead me and I told him that I would follow and obey whatever he instructed me. Immediately after my prayer, I went online searching to get started on a devotional. When I found the She Reads Truth page for the Fresh Start devo, I was blown away!!! As I read the intro for day one, I felt God speaking to me... comforting me, challenging me, showing his love for me. Confirming what my hubby and my friends had been advising & challenging me on: "Mariana, you need to accept the grace that God has to offer!"
I am so excited to begin this great journey... the journey to a Fresh Start... I sure do need one! I feel like in the last 6 years of being a disciple, an understanding of Grace has not been something that I have been searching for. In my heart I see a prideful heart reflecting what Paul warned the church in Galatia:
"Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?"
Galatians 3:3
I am excited to dive into God's grace! It feels like unknown territory, therefore a bit scary, but in my heart I KNOW that this is the path that God wants to take me to.
To God be the Glory,
XOXO
-Mariana
